


Twitter was right. The Wayne's are Crazy.

by IWillNotGoGentlyIntoThatGoodNight (Menochange)



Series: The Truth About Perception [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Batfamily Feels, Batfamily Shenanigans, Crying, Damian is an amnesiac, Family Fluff, Food Fights, Gen, Jason is just trying to be a good brother, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-10-22 16:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menochange/pseuds/IWillNotGoGentlyIntoThatGoodNight
Summary: A series of one shots based in the 'Truth about perception' series full of Wayne family fun and antics.





	1. The one you least suspect

**Author's Note:**

> Hello.   
> So it's taken me a while to write a new story for this series. This one will be just random fluffy family one shots not necessarily in any order. in some of these it'll be very clear when it's set but other's are open for interpretation.
> 
> so ... Enjoy :)

Now that it was all over Damian wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened.

 

One minute they were all eating breakfast peacefully (or as peaceful as things could be in this house) and the next their ostentatious dining room had turned into a horrific war zone. It all happened so fast, the youngest Wayne couldn’t say who fired the first shot although he thinks against all reason it may have been Richard. See, his older brother had been fighting with their head of security and suspiciously frequent guest Jason, since before Damian had entered the kitchen. He had tried to follow along once he had received his meal from Alfred – who had provided him with ‘A Proper English Breakfast’ and informed the amnesic teen he would be in the garden should he need anything at all - however by the time he caught the name Kori things had started to get out of hand as their argument escalated. This in and of itself was not alarming. Over the past few weeks Damian had noticed that his siblings liked to argue and teased each other relentlessly, it was obvious that they were a close knit family.

What was alarming however is how everything had devolved so suddenly to the point that eventually it had all gotten so out of hand that they had ended up here. Since the moment he had woken up sans memories and come to the realisation that his family were apparently batshit (he still had no idea why everyone seemed to find it funny when he said that word, even his father’s eye twitched the first time he said it in front of him) crazy, Damian knew that the Waynes and all of the people affiliated with them would die an illogical, over the top death that would be talked about year after the fact as a cautionary tale for Gothamites everywhere.

But even he had never imagined it would end like this. He had foolishly believed that his siblings (along with Stephanie and Jason who seemed to be somewhat permanent fixtures in the mansion) loved life and each other more than this. Yet here they were looking death in the eye knowing that any who survived this would never repeat the same mistakes again. Red splattered almost everything, people and surfaces alike. Timothy lay deathly still on the ground near the teen’s feet unmoving since the moment (3 minutes ago) that Stephanie’s cruel betrayal made itself known in the form an attack from behind. The older boys froze still locked in their grapple for dominance which had previously been brutal – as the older boys ignored anyone in their way, even going so far as to step on Tim’s listless body – were now clutching each other in fear. His sister Cassandra sat on top of the fridge (when she even got there – and how she managed to get out of the whole ordeal without a mark on here – was still a mystery to him because he swore she hadn’t even been in the room before the battle started) watching Stephanie who was triumphantly celebrating the death of Damian’s second brother had stopped mid- celebratory jump, only barely managing to stop herself from falling by preforming a truly amazing backwards flip, ending in an impressive front roll which Damian would have applauded if the situation didn’t look so dire.  

The youngest Wayne closed his eyes, wishing he had left when Duke had, the older boy had stepped into the kitchen mid-battle, taken one look at the carnage and left with a muttered “Y’all crazy”. Unfortunately the teen had been too worried about offending anyone that had stayed in his seat, a move that he now realised was a mistake.

“Correct me if I am wrong, but usually food is eaten and not used as a projectile” Death himself asked dryly to the room’s silent occupants.

“Heeeeeey Al, we were just…” Jason started only to be cut off by Richard who shoved the younger man behind him in a protective gesture.

“Alfie, don’t get mad… I swear… it’s not what it looks like” Dick pleaded sheepishly as he ran a hand through his dark hair, messily trailing ketchup through it.

“Why would I be mad Master Richard? Obviously you all have a reasonable explanation for all of this because you all know better than to waste food and damage property” Alfred smiled pleasantly at them all causing all of them to shudder and cower in fear.

“Well… this has been fun but I have some very important pressing matters to attend to today so I’ll leave you boys to explain this perfectly reasonable event to Alfred.” Stephanie spoke up suddenly making her way towards the exit.

“Miss Stephanie, you may wish to change before you attend to your very important pressing matter. Master Timothy, I do not believe that crawling on the floor is the best way to exit a room, do you?”

Damian ‘s head whipped around to the spot Timothy had been laying moments before to find his brother – who had started sliding along the floor in a worm like fashion towards the door – frozen in place at Alfred’s words.

“No Alfred” Tim muttered pushing himself up from the ground to stand with the other’s.

“Damian. You should go upstairs to get ready for school.” The young Wayne looked up to see his father in the door way.

Damian bit his lip as he stood up, unsure whether he was in trouble as well for the food fight, before he could voice his concern however he was cut off.

“BRUUUUCE! Thank God! B! We were just…” Richard started only to trail off when his father shook his head an expression of pity adorning his face.

“Sorry Chum, look at the time. Damian you’re going to be late for school.”

“Young master Damian, your lunch has been packed and placed in your bag by the door. I’ll see you this afternoon”

Damian nodded and slipped past the others and Alfred who smiled at him on his way out before he turned back to the other occupants in the room who whimpered. The young teen turned to see what expression Alfred had made to illicit such a response when he was stopped by a strong hand on his shoulder.

“It’s better not to know” His father smiled steering him back up the stairs. “I know we’ll be a little early for school but we don’t want to be here to witness Alfred’s wrath. I know you didn’t get to eat breakfast so we’ll stop somewhere on the way to metropolis, ok?”

Damian nodded, before he bit his lip “Alfred didn’t seem very angry, he seemed calmer than I thought he would be. When he first entered the dining hall I thought we were all going to die”

His father laughed “Ah, that Damian, is Alfred’s super power. Trust me. I got into a lot of trouble when I was your age”

“So Alfred is scary then?” Damian asked still somewhat sceptical, of all of them Alfred seemed to be one of the nicest. He honestly didn’t seem scary at all.

“Only sometimes but when he is, Alfred is so scary, he even scares Batman” His father laughed again as though it was funny that someone could scare a rouge vigilante who beat people up for fun. Honestly Damian had nightmares about Batman, so for Alfred to be scarier than Batman meant that the teen had to make sure he never did anything so stupid that Alfred would be angry at him.

“Okay, now go get changed or we really will be late” His father smiled and ruffled his hair pushing him gently into his room.

Damian nodded and gave a small smile back before he closed the door to get ready for school sparing one last sympathetic thought for his family downstairs who were facing certain death.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Damian arrived home that afternoon, the kitchen was spotless. His siblings on the other hand lay scattered around the lounge area looking dead to the world. Alfred walked past them talking about needing some help making some home make ketchup which caused all of them to groan loudly.

 

Damian reaffirmed his resolve never to get in trouble whilst here. Alfred really was scary.     


	2. Don't go crying over spilt milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason just came by to say hi and steal some food and now he has a 14 year old crying on him.

Damian had honestly just wanted to watch the nature documentary and eat his morning cereal in peace. It had been a particularly trying week at school and the young teen just wanted to relax and avoid all human contact for at least an hour. It wasn’t that he didn’t like or want to spend time with his family – because they were amazing and he totally did – but last night had been horrible and he had cried himself to sleep, woke up in the early hours of the morning due to a nightmare (which he didn’t even want to think about) and then couldn’t go back to blissful unconsciousness because of the strange noises that echoed through the house – scaring the young amnesiac enough that he had decided to visit his father in hopes of reassurance only to find that his father wasn’t even at home – leaving him afraid and feeling painfully alone, huddled in bed until it was bright enough that he could act like he had just woken up and that everything was normal. Damian honestly just felt so physically and emotionally exhausted, he didn’t know if he could pretend everything was alright if someone tried to talk to him this morning, as it was he feared he would just burst out into tears at any moment.

“Yo Squirt, What… the hell are you watching?” A deep enquired from behind him causing him to spill his now stone cold chocolate milk all over the leather couch.

“Oh…” Damian exclaimed shocked as his eyes darted between the now empty mug, his soiled pyjama pants and the chocolate milk that covered the couch and started drip down onto the lounge room’s expensive oak wood flooring.

“Ooooh that looks bad. Hate to be you kid” Jason laughed as he leaned on the back of the couch taking a bite from Damian’s cereal gleefully.

“Oh… No… He’s going to be so angry with me. I’ve ruined everything. He’s going to be so angry.” The teen muttered to himself as his shock wore off and he started to realise what he had done.

“Sure squirt. The old man is probably going to send you straight to the Arkham for this heinous act, I mean given everything it’s becoming clear that you’re a horrible kid” Jason smirked at him as he walked out of the room towards the kitchen.

Damian froze as his mind kept replaying those words long after the boy had left the room. Jason didn’t even know the half of it, he was a horrible kid and now everyone would know the truth. They would see what Damian had done and hate him. This was just the beginning, his father would find out about all the horrible things old Damian had done and find all the horrible things hidden in his room and they’d all think that he was still bad, this one incident would prove that Damian was still a horrible kid, just like everyone said he was. Bruce was going to find out about everything and he’d be punished. He had to leave, he had to go before the discovered what he had done, no he had to hide it before his father came back. But Jason saw, Jason would tell. He had to run. He had to.

“Short Stack? Everything A-okay in crazy town?” Jason asked as he set a hand on his shoulder breaking Damian out of his dark thoughts “Seriously kid, what’s wrong with you? If you can’t handle animals getting brutally murdered then you probably shouldn’t be watching animal planet, seriously…”

“Let go of me. I have to go.” Damian tried to jerk is shoulder out of the older boy’s grip but Jason tightened his grip, spinning him around to loom over him threateningly.

“Oi, Munchkin. What the fuck? You can’t just run away from the scene of the crime without cleaning up first, has Dickhead not taught you anything about getting rid of the evidence? Seriously though Al is gonna have to clean…”

“Jason please, I need to leave, he’s going to be so angry Jason, please. Please let me leave, please Jason, Please.” Damian begged as his second attempt at escape failed and tears started to fall down his face.

“Wow… Kid calm you’re fucking farm. What the hell? It’s just milk kid, you don’t need to lose your shit”

“Please Jason, please. I won’t be bad again, I promise, Jason please”

“Kid. Seriously stop.” Jason ordered him, as he sat Damian back down on the wet couch cushions before lowering himself onto the stained floor so that he was kneeling in front of the teenager “What the fuck, seriously kid. It’s milk. It was an accident. There’s no need to be such a baby”

Damian stared at Jason for a moment before burying his face in Jason’s chest and started crying harder. The teen felt Jason tense and thought the older man would push him away but Jason surprised him, instead he wrapped his hands around Damian and pulled him closer.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you but you’re not a bad kid Damian. If something is bothering you, Dickhead is more than willing to hear you talk about it. he’s super good about the no judgement thing okay. Like he is waaay better than me when it comes to dealing with… tears and shit and he’s super sensitive like he’d legitimately cry over spilt milk which I suppose is a great way for you to start this conversation with him because you can both bond over being giant babies over nothing. Shit… I mean… Not that I’m trying to say that … Christ… Dicky is seriously the best person for this kid… I don’t know how to…”

“Ahem.”

Jason jumped away from Damian – as though he were burnt by their contact – and hit his back against the coffee table spilling Damian’s (now soggy) cereal to the ground with a loud crash as the bowl shattered.

“Shit. Shit. Shit… Stay on the couch Simba, you don’t have any shoes” Jason swore loudly again before looking contrite at Alfred’s scandalised “Master Jason!”

“Sorry Al. I was playing a prank on the Midget and ended up taking it a bit too far hence all the milk. I’ll clean it up. Promise.” Jason smiled innocently (or at least in what he thought was innocent but really came off as suspicious to all that saw it) at Alfred who narrowed his eyes at the two of them before he smiled at Damian.

“Master Damian, Go change, we wouldn’t want you to get sick in those wet clothes. I’ll go prepare you a fresh breakfast.”

Damian nodded sniffling as he discreetly wiped his eyes with the back of his hands as Alfred walked out of the room leaving them alone.

“Jason, you didn’t need to…”

“Shut up kid. It’s fine. Come on” and with that Jason lifted a shocked Damian easily off the couch and carried him all the way to the stairs “Okay. Go get changed”

Damian stared at him. Realising that he had been acting irrational and had let his paranoia and fear from this morning get to him and now Jason was taking the blame for him stupidity “Thank you. Jason I…”

“Talk to Dicky kid, I’m not your fucking therapist.” Jason dismissed turning away. Damian nodded realising that he had cause Jason enough trouble and decided to head up to his room to get changed.

“Hey Kid, Don’t mistake this for me giving a shit but… you’re not a bad kid… Whatever you were thinking earlier was wrong. B may be an asshole but he cares about you and he wouldn’t … none of us would … even if you did something worse than spill milk… I mean not that… fuck… why is this so fucking… fuck… just talk to Dicky okay kid.”

Damian felt his eyes water at Jason’s words and wanted to run back down the stairs and hug the older man and thank him for helping but when he turned around the other boy was studiously avoiding eye contact, looking vaguely uncomfortable as he pretended to be focused solely on cleaning up the mess.

Damian bit his lip not wanting to make Jason (more) uncomfortable but also not wanting to be ungrateful he stood on the steps trying to decide what to do. The decision was taken out of his hands however as he heard footsteps (two sets, one had the clear bounce of someone who was up and ready for the day while the other was the slow shuffle of an individual who was clearly unable to think any further than locating the nearest coffee pot. And wasn’t it weird that Damian could identify that it was Dick and Tim based off the way they walked) coming down the stairs.

“Morning Dam- Wait… What happened to you? Wait what happened here? Jaybird what did you … Wait Timmy, there’s broken ceramic on the floor, don’t… Wait Timmy NO… The coffee isn’t worth it… Jay help! I can’t...” Dick’s energetic tone washed over him and for the first time that morning Damian felt like laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. So he did. Damian stood there with his tear stained face, in his milk stained pyjamas on the third step of their super fancy mansion, in front of an extravagantly decorated lounge room that was covered in chocolate milk and cereal bits watching his brother’s (and Jason) act like idiots.

“Are you okay little brother?” Cassandra asked placing her hand on his shoulder and Damian jumped startled as he had been so distracted by his brother’s that he hadn’t heard her come down the stairs.

Damian smiled at her dimly aware that everyone’s eyes were on him “Yeah, I wasn’t… feeling good this morning but Jason helped. I should go get changed before Alfred gets angry. Be careful going down stairs, I accidently broke a bowl”       

As Damian walked up the stairs he heard his siblings resume their argument and smiled to himself.

Everything was going to be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think :)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> also hit me up if there is a scene in particular you would like to see and I'll see what I can do.  
> The next one may include some mentions of Batcow and Jason being dick so look forward to that :)


End file.
